Two Fine Ways To Save The Planet

I recently read an article about yet another rock star trying to save the planet. While I appreciate that there is likely to be a bigger picture, and that this artist is probably doing a lot to raise awareness of global warming, this particular article detailed some of the ideas from singer songwriter Sheryl Crow, which were among the most bizarre I've ever heard. She says:

"I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating."

So. What are we talking about here? Less flying? Energy saving lightbulbs becoming compulsory worldwide? Less farming? A ban on junk mail? Compulsory recycling?

Less eating?

"I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting."

She even specifies that one be used for one situation, and two or three on those other 'pesky' occasions. By pesky occasions I assume she is referring to going for a poo. How could this even be enforceable? Is she proposing some kind of electronic device attached to the toilet roll dispenser monitoring all goings on? Or would it be detected in the sewers - some kind of congestion charge?
Could there be a day in the near future where you pick up a four pack in the local supermarket, only to have a store detective sternly shaking his head. "I don't think so sonny... You were in here last week."

But if that was all silly enough, I was totally bemused by the next suggestion:

'She has designed a clothing line with what she calls a "dining sleeve". The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve" after the diner has used it to wipe his or her mouth.'

This is designed to combat the waste of paper napkins. Does she really think that people are going to carry around a bag full of matching sleeves? If you're going to do that, you might as well just carry a napkin! What would happen in the summer? Perhaps we could use detachable trouser legs. This would allow us to clean our mouths, and give us a pair of shorts for after the meal - all whilst saving the environment. Brilliant!

I'd like to think that the article's aim was just to ridicule, picking out only the silliest ideas, and that there are many more useful suggestions in the pipeline.

But you never know...