Tomato Tamootoo, Potato Patootoo

I had my groceries delivered today. Always a thrilling experience. Loads of food delivered straight to your door. It does sometimes come with complications however, substitutions. Today I noticed that the bag of potatoes I ordered were on the substitution list. The list said that they had been replaced with some plum tomatoes. Not an ideal substitution I thought. Who ever heard of jacket tomato with cheese and beans?
There was another substitution replaced with an unwanted item which took us a while to track down. While we were searching through the hundreds of partially full carrier bags, I caught a whiff of the delivery driver's terrible B.O. How unpleasant.

I had to conclude that this may not be his fault. Perhaps his deodorant had been substituted for some plum tomatoes.

New Socks

Today I wore a new pair of socks I bought from a department store at the weekend. When I took them to the counter the shop assistant began to make polite conversation, pretty reluctantly at first it seemed until her training kicked in.

'A beautiful day.' she remarked.

'Yes.' I replied. I felt the need to follow it up with something.

'Not so nice for you I suppose, stuck in here all day.'

'I don't mind I finish soon. So, treating yourself for the weekend are you?' She asked, putting my purchase into a carrier bag. I felt like I was in a barber shop in the 1960's with conversation like this.

'Er, no' I replied. 'Not much of a treat a pair of socks.' We ended this ridiculous forced conversation and I left the shop to go home.

The following day I went to work wearing my new socks and felt great. It's quite a feeling wearing new socks, that feels like no other. Maybe that's why the shop assistant thought it a treat to buy a pair of socks. I guess this is similar to Paolo Nutini's feeling when wearing new shoes as described in his song. At least, that's what I think he's singing about, I can't be bothered to listen to the whole song.

Maybe I would if it were called 'New Socks.'

Apology For 'Idiots' Election Ban

I read a story in the news today stating that Bournemouth council has apologised for banning "lunatics, idiots, deaf and dumb" people from standing for election. Apparently this wording was used in an information pack issued to candidates in Bournemouth, stating that the above were disqualified from standing.

An electoral services officer has said that the terms were from election law written in 1766, and have since been amended. He added that such language is unacceptable today, and that his council treats all people fairly regardless of the following:

Sexual orientation - fair enough.
Age - fair enough.
Religious belief - fair enough.
Disability - fair enough.
Gender - fair enough.
Race - fair enough.

No mention of idiots. What about the idiots? Are they not allowed?

Why can't we have idiots in power?