A Giant Peers Through My Window

It was early this morning I was awoken by something less familiar than my alarm clock. My window was open an inch to allow in some air, and the blind most of the way down.

I awake to the window moving noisily by itself. It is opening more and more until a hairy hand appears on the window sill. This is strange as I live on the first floor. Not the postman, I conclude. He usually uses the letter box. The shadow of a large head is cast across the blind.

A big boomy voice wants to know if anyone is in here.

A Giant! We have Giants. Are they dangerous? Should I call a pest control company to install some Giant traps? You never know how quickly this could spread. As I gently ease myself back into reality from the depths of my much needed sleep, I recall the scaffolding that had been erected around my house by my landlord's building contractors. It is not a Giant at all. It is a painter and decorator trying to give the window frame an undercoat.

"Is there any chance of opening a window around the back?" He enquires.

"No, but there is a much greater chance of me asking you to start work later." I reply, looking at my clock in disbelief at a time I thought was only possible in the evening.

"OK."


I'll be the first to admit I'm not at my most helpful in the morning, particularly to suspected Giants leaning in through my window with paintbrushes. My windows have now been painted shut.

It looks as though I will have this kind of awakening for the next few days. I'm concerned that a builder/painter has such easy access to my kitchen via a ladder and scaffolding. I'm not casting any aspersions, but let's just say I shall be counting the tea bags over the next few days- if you know what I mean.

What A Delight!

This has to be my last toilet related post now for some time. I do seem to spend a lot of time talking about such matters, and to be honest if I continue to I'll have to rename this blog Stories From The Loo.
But this is worth mentioning. I found this at Stansted Airport.



I think that they're perhaps being a little over optimistic about the potential response from customers regarding their toilet facilities. I don't think I can remember the last time I left any toilet feeling delighted with the experience. What could they possibly be doing in there to create such a delightful experience? It certainly didn't meet such expectations, although I did refrain from calling the 'delightful facilities hotline' to report that toilet block DS31 was merely adequate.

Two Fine Ways To Save The Planet

I recently read an article about yet another rock star trying to save the planet. While I appreciate that there is likely to be a bigger picture, and that this artist is probably doing a lot to raise awareness of global warming, this particular article detailed some of the ideas from singer songwriter Sheryl Crow, which were among the most bizarre I've ever heard. She says:

"I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating."

So. What are we talking about here? Less flying? Energy saving lightbulbs becoming compulsory worldwide? Less farming? A ban on junk mail? Compulsory recycling?

Less eating?

"I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting."

She even specifies that one be used for one situation, and two or three on those other 'pesky' occasions. By pesky occasions I assume she is referring to going for a poo. How could this even be enforceable? Is she proposing some kind of electronic device attached to the toilet roll dispenser monitoring all goings on? Or would it be detected in the sewers - some kind of congestion charge?
Could there be a day in the near future where you pick up a four pack in the local supermarket, only to have a store detective sternly shaking his head. "I don't think so sonny... You were in here last week."

But if that was all silly enough, I was totally bemused by the next suggestion:

'She has designed a clothing line with what she calls a "dining sleeve". The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve" after the diner has used it to wipe his or her mouth.'

This is designed to combat the waste of paper napkins. Does she really think that people are going to carry around a bag full of matching sleeves? If you're going to do that, you might as well just carry a napkin! What would happen in the summer? Perhaps we could use detachable trouser legs. This would allow us to clean our mouths, and give us a pair of shorts for after the meal - all whilst saving the environment. Brilliant!

I'd like to think that the article's aim was just to ridicule, picking out only the silliest ideas, and that there are many more useful suggestions in the pipeline.

But you never know...

Important Signs

I didn't have to campaign too hard to get some help creating a sign to prevent this antisocial habit. I haven't as yet seen it on any public transport, but I live in hope.


I have however, seen another sign which took me by surprise. I found this in Germany, and had to wonder whether this is a huge annoyance on the continent. So much so that something had to be done about it. I wonder if this rule is enforced?